For some time I have really been contemplating what it means to be a successful parent. I have a few insights on the topic that have been influenced by other peoples ideas of what it means to be a successful parent but I have never really sat down and tried to define on my own a successful parent. As a Christian my starting block would have to be scripture. I believe like most that it begins with an understanding of Deuteronomy 6:1-7. As a responsible Christian parent I will take to heart the commandments of the Lord for myself as well as impress them on my children, talk about them when I sit at home and when I walk along the road, when I lie down and when I get up. This is really self explanatory. However when I begin to consider many of the models that define successful parenting I see a contradiction with the words of scripture.
For instance; many would agree that successful parenting would involve preparing our children financially for their future. This could be the result of passing on wealth to our children or simply instilling in them the need to achieve their own wealth. There is nothing wrong with this in its most simple terms. As we commit to allow scripture to determine what it means to be a successful parent the idea of wealth takes on a contextual meaning that is not completely in sync with the American dream.
An honest review of scripture would tell us that we should prepare our children to understand achievement or wealth as accepting God's call on their life to a degree that results in an abandonment to anything that would anchor them to their own ambitions. Achievement and wealth are defined in worshiping and serving the eternal God. In scripture wealth is defined by ones dependency on God and His provisions being sufficient without regard to proportion. Opposed to the American dream that tells us achievement or wealth is directly related to proportion.
In the biblical model of proportion, one is expected to adjust their lifestyle to God's provision regardless of proportion. Doing God's will becomes the object of contentment even when suffering or selflessness is demanded. With a biblical understanding of wealth we prepare our children to accept God's call "comfort or suffering" to be the most high mark of achievement or wealth. If we take to heart the understanding that to successfully parent our children means to teach our children to honor God in times of abundance as well as in times of need we will raise a generation who will abandon it all regardless of the cross the Lord may ask them to carry.
The Great Commission generation is among us. As we begin to nurture our children to become absolute disciples of Christ we will begin to see the Lord of the harvest prepare the laborers before our very eyes. My friend Daniel Tyler's valediction is "Til the nets are full". I truly believe the generation among us could be the generation that experiences torn nets due to the weight of harvesting. It will be because of their understanding of wealth being measured on an eternal scale verses a scale that is temporal and subject to the elements, trends and greed of this world. This will only occur as successful parents define wealth for their children.
God Bless,
Todd
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Family Insights: Today Is Important Because Tomorrow Depends On It
Have you noticed that as our children become of age how we tend to lose the leverage as parents that we once possessed. Just this morning my three year old asked for coffee and a waffle for breakfast. As I began explaining to her the better choices of beverages that were available to her, she reached across the table and said "her dad, I share urs” ("here dad, I share yours", she has a bit of an Arkansas draw).
In that moment I began to realize that my leverage as a parent had taken on a different form. The principles and convictions I desire to instill in my daughter are now only words on a tablet unless they are principles and convictions that govern the actions of my own life. To speak of those convictions and principles but not model them, give them a value equal only to the paper they were written on. Now she’s watching and acting as I do instead of listening or harkening to my advice.
The thought that concerns me most is the fact that her experience with the culture around her will begin the same transition. She will become a partaker in the culture opposed to simply and observer of the culture. It is with great alarm that as a parent I must begin to evaluate the cultural influences that I allow to access my daughter. I must begin to look beyond the surface of those types of media, agendas and processes that I allow to expose themselves to my daughter. Because the day is approaching when my daughter will see beyond the screenplay and see what those superstars, those artists and those shapers of culture really desire. The screenplay will be seen for what it really is, a means to a more desired end. And of all people I will be the one who is ultimately responsible for introducing her to the elements, personalities, values and principles that she will esteem and embrace as her iconic symbols of influence.
As parents we are given the greatest right and responsibility from our Creator to influence our children to become participants in the greatest, most high attraction of the world which is the everlasting, unfailing perfect love of God. Daily as I leverage my influence in the life of my children I must be vigilant that those things that I am allowing to define my daughter’s perception of her relationship and responsibility to this world are congruent and harmonious with my desired end of her becoming a true worshipper and follower of Christ. Today someone is shaping your child’s perception of their role and responsibility in this world and to its creator. Do they have the same intentions for your child that you do? If not step in and make the correction while you still have the leverage, if so, join them in fostering and nurturing the desired outcome. Today is your most important day in the life of your child because tomorrow depends on it.
Needless to say Neely enjoyed a waffle this morning with her own cup of coffee. But only after I pulled her favorite Veggie Tales cup out of the cabinet and sprinkled it with some sugar along with a splash of creamer, because you never know what that cup of coffee might lead to in the next ten or fifteen years. It may have been my first gesture towards a much appreciated conversation on the back porch 15 years from now with my baby girl who would then be grown and poised to leap into the rest of her life outside of my protective hand and my nurturing instinct. Let me encourage you to take serious all of your “today’s”, because truly, tomorrow depends on it.
God Bless,
Todd
In that moment I began to realize that my leverage as a parent had taken on a different form. The principles and convictions I desire to instill in my daughter are now only words on a tablet unless they are principles and convictions that govern the actions of my own life. To speak of those convictions and principles but not model them, give them a value equal only to the paper they were written on. Now she’s watching and acting as I do instead of listening or harkening to my advice.
The thought that concerns me most is the fact that her experience with the culture around her will begin the same transition. She will become a partaker in the culture opposed to simply and observer of the culture. It is with great alarm that as a parent I must begin to evaluate the cultural influences that I allow to access my daughter. I must begin to look beyond the surface of those types of media, agendas and processes that I allow to expose themselves to my daughter. Because the day is approaching when my daughter will see beyond the screenplay and see what those superstars, those artists and those shapers of culture really desire. The screenplay will be seen for what it really is, a means to a more desired end. And of all people I will be the one who is ultimately responsible for introducing her to the elements, personalities, values and principles that she will esteem and embrace as her iconic symbols of influence.
As parents we are given the greatest right and responsibility from our Creator to influence our children to become participants in the greatest, most high attraction of the world which is the everlasting, unfailing perfect love of God. Daily as I leverage my influence in the life of my children I must be vigilant that those things that I am allowing to define my daughter’s perception of her relationship and responsibility to this world are congruent and harmonious with my desired end of her becoming a true worshipper and follower of Christ. Today someone is shaping your child’s perception of their role and responsibility in this world and to its creator. Do they have the same intentions for your child that you do? If not step in and make the correction while you still have the leverage, if so, join them in fostering and nurturing the desired outcome. Today is your most important day in the life of your child because tomorrow depends on it.
Needless to say Neely enjoyed a waffle this morning with her own cup of coffee. But only after I pulled her favorite Veggie Tales cup out of the cabinet and sprinkled it with some sugar along with a splash of creamer, because you never know what that cup of coffee might lead to in the next ten or fifteen years. It may have been my first gesture towards a much appreciated conversation on the back porch 15 years from now with my baby girl who would then be grown and poised to leap into the rest of her life outside of my protective hand and my nurturing instinct. Let me encourage you to take serious all of your “today’s”, because truly, tomorrow depends on it.
God Bless,
Todd
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